the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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