Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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