just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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