Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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