I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You smell like stripper and shame
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
