I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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