I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
