I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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