Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
