There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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