so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
