i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
