Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Congratulations! We have a period
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
