I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
