girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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