I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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