Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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