after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
