My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
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