do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
