i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
