Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
