I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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