I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I will pee on everything he values.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
