shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
