I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
