I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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