from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
