I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
