u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
