i would punch a child for taco bell
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
