I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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