I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
