dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
