Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
