doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
