i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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