I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
