No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
