No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize