I think my vagina is haunted
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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