Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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