I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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