dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
