the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
