There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
