I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
