lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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