Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
