Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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