there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
