just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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