I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
