happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
