What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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