Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
