im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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