if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Damn victory sex feels great
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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