how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
