i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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