Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
