Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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