Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
