I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
