Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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